I just can't see the light
by MissingMommy
Summary: Padma watches as her sister fights Lavender's demons, and wonders what either of them did to deserve this. :: Padma&Parvati, ParvatiLavender, for Abby.


For Abby.

* * *

Padma enters the Leaky Cauldron, her head held high and her heels clicking with each step. Her eyes sweep the pub, looking for her sister. Parvati sits in the far back corner with her hands around a tankard of hot Butterbeer.

Her sister gives her a small smile as Padma takes the seat opposite. There's something about Parvati's smile that unsettles her and the Ravenclaw can't put her finger on why.

"Hey Pad," she greets. "How's the apprenticeship going?"

Padma's eyes flicker over her sister, taking in the dark circles under her eyes and how she is curling in on herself. She bites the questions back. "It's great. We've just got done covering the cores. At this rate, Ollivander thinks I'll be ready to make wands next year."

Her sister seems to come alive at this news. Pride shines in her dark eyes and a real smile crosses her face as she straightens a little. "That's great!"

"How is Lavender?" she asks, and immediately regrets it.

All of the happiness in her sister seems to drain away at her question. The Gryffindor shrinks back into herself. She looks down into her Butterbeer. "There's been better days," she admits.

"What have the specialists at St Mungo's said?" she inquires, unable to stop the question from coming out.

Parvati laughs bitterly, like she used to during their final year. "That she's lucky. As if what that monster did to her didn't matter because she's still human."

Padma's heart clenches at the tone. All it does is bring back memories of their final year; the complete helplessness and terror they experienced will forever scar them. The only good thing that came of it was Parvati and Lavender finally admitting their feelings. Now, though, there's a part of her that wishes it never happened just so she wouldn't have to hear the echoes of the war in Parvati's tone.

She has no words to comfort her sister with. Merlin, she wishes she did because she hates the pain Parvati is in.

"What am I supposed to do, Pad? I can't fix this." Her sister's voice is soft as she looks pleadingly at her twin for some answer - any answer.

"You do what you've been doing - be there for her. That's all you can do," she answers.

The silence is deafening; it's clearly not the answer Parvati had been looking for. But there isn't another answer that she could give.

Parvati shakes her head as she digs out a few Galleons. "I should probably go. It's not good to leave Lavender by herself for long periods of time."

Her sister is gone before Padma can protest.

* * *

Padma drags her feet as she makes her way home, reviewing what she had done wrong. She had another assessment of her wand-making skills and she came up short. The irritation has been bubbling under her skin all day. All she wants is a nice, long bath.

She unlocks her front door and drops her things, slipping off her shoes. Her door opens, narrowly missing her.

"I was hoping you were home," her sister says.

Padma turns around to look at her twin. The wariness she saw in her sister months ago seems to have worsened; the dark circles beneath her eyes are darker, and her hair looks like it hasn't been brushed in a while.

She gestures her sister in. "Give me five minutes to change."

Parvati just nods as she makes her way to the living room. Padma watches her for a few moments before she heads to her bedroom. She changes into more comfortable clothes and wipes away the day's eyeliner, mascara,and lipstick. When she returns to the living room, Parvati is laying on the couch.

She taps her sister on the shoulder. "Budge over."

A faint smile crosses her twin's lips briefly before it's gone. "Got any ice cream?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Padma says. She summons the tub of ice cream from Florean Fortescue's and two spoons. The chocolate and strawberry ice cream is mixed with nuts and strawberry bits so it isn't too sweet. "Are you going to tell me what's going on or do I need to figure it out?"

"It's Lavender," Parvati says, digging her spoon into the ice cream. "We had a huge fight."

Padma frowns. "Fights are normal for couples."

Her sister gives her an unimpressed look. "She's still taking the pain potions. I've been trying to convince her to get off them, but she just _won't listen_."

"She should take them if she's in pain," she reasons.

Parvati presses her lips into a hard line for several moments before she answers. "I don't think she's taking them because she's in pain anymore. I think she likes the feeling she gets when she takes them. It's like an addiction, Pad; she can't seem to function without them."

Padma studies her sister for a long moment, deliberating her answer. "I'm guessing the convincing her to stop didn't go the way you planned?"

"Not at all," she says, snorting. "I yelled, she yelled. I cried, she cried. I just felt like I wasn't through to her so I left. Gave us both time to calm down before we said things we didn't mean."

"That was a smart idea," Padma replies. She loves her sister to death, but her sister has a short fuse and a bit of a temper.

"I don't know what to do, Pad. I love her and I want to help, but it feels like I'm the only one fighting the battle," she whispers.

Padma sets the container of ice cream to the side and pulls her sister into a hug. "It may seem like it, but I bet she's fighting along with you."

Parvati all but curls into her sister's embrace. Padma allows it for a long moment, before pulling back, and looking at the Gryffindor.

"How about we get some pizza, and more ice cream?" she suggests, standing up. "I may have a bottle of wine somewhere. We can properly forget about your worries until tomorrow."

Her sister gives her a smile. As she goes to dig for the bottle of wine, she can't help but hope that Lavender's fight is almost over. She doesn't know how much more her sister can take.

* * *

A Patronus sweeps into Padma's kitchen as she's putting the finishing touches on dinner she's spent the better half of the afternoon cooking. It's a small, blue-silver rabbit that's sitting at her feet. When it opens its mouth, she immediately recognizes Anthony Goldstein's voice.

"Padma, come to St Mungo's immediately, third floor."

Dread filled her stomach. The third floor is meant for potion and plant poisoning and by the Anthony's tone of voice, whatever she's needed there for isn't good.

Quickly as she can, she writes a note for Terry, gathers her coat, and Apparates away. She makes the trip between the designated Apparating zone and _Purge and Dowse, Ltd_ in record time. She bypasses the receptionist and heads immediately for the third floor.

It doesn't take long to track down Anthony. He seems to be waiting for her outside a room with a grimace. She can hear the person sobbing from within, and there are noticeable wet spots on his Healer's outfit.

She pieces everything together quickly. She shakes her head. "No," she whispers.

"She brought Lavender in less than half an hour ago. We tried," he says, his voice soft. "Merlin, did we try, but there was nothing we could do. I sent a Patronus for you as soon as we broke the news."

"I know you tried," she assures him, putting a hand on his arm. He looks defeated and Padma wants to comfort him further, but she has her sister to look after first.

She takes several deep breaths before she enters the room. Parvati has buried her head in her arms, resting on top of Lavender's still stomach as she sobs. Padma remembers a scene eerily similar right after the battle.

"Par," she whispers softly, as she stands next to her sister.

Parvati's head snaps up. Her eyes are red and puffy, and there's snot running down her nose. Without hesitation, her sister all but throws herself at Padma, wrapping her arms around Padma's neck, clinging to her tightly. Padma can barely hear it when Parvati sobs out, "She told me she had quit."

Padma's heart breaks as the Gryffindor cries against her neck. She holds on tightly and repeats, "I'm here," softly over and over.

Eventually, Parvati runs out of tears and Padma runs out of reassurances. Her sister pulls back, looking towards Lavender.

Padma could almost mistake the blonde is sleeping if it wasn't for how her chest failed to rise and fall. The scars from the side of her face to her neck are still pinker than Lavender's skin.

"Why wasn't I enough?" Parvati asks, her voice shaky.

Her attention snaps back to her sister. Parvati hasn't taken her eyes off her girlfriend's still body.

"Why wasn't the love I had for her enough? Why wouldn't she stop?"

Padma draws her twin's attention away from the blonde. She has her hand wrapped Parvati's arm, pulling her away as she says, "Come on, some fresh air will do you good."

The Gryffindor fights against it. "Why didn't she fight this? Fight for me?"

"It wasn't that, Par. You know that," she says, turning her sister to face her. "This had everything to do with that monster and nothing to do with how much she loved you. She loved you. She just couldn't escape what he did to her."

"I didn't care," her twin whispers brokenly. "She is - was - still Lavender; she was still beautiful. I love her."

Padma aches with secondhand grief. "I know. She knew. There's nothing more to be done here tonight."

Parvati's eyes are glassy as she lets Padma lead her out of the room. Anthony stops and watches as Padma ushers her sister down the corridor. There's paper to file, reports to be written, and Padma is sure Lavender's parents aren't too far away, but she has to look after her sister.

She retraces her steps to the Apparating zone with Parvati in tow. Parvati isn't dressed for the cold night air, but she doesn't complain about it. Padma holds her hand tightly as she Apparates to her flat.

Terry gives the pair a frown as they appear in the living room. Padma shakes her head as she leads her sister down the hall and the bedroom. She summons clothes and haphazardly helps her sister change into bed clothes.

The moment that Parvati's head hits the pillows, she is asleep, exhaustion finally catching up with her. Padma knows this isn't going to last, but she wishes it could. She watches her sister's chest rhythmically rise and fall, and wonders, not for the first time, why it had to happen to her sister.

Anger lights her veins on fire. They didn't deserve this. They survived too much, sacrificed too much for this to be the way it ended. She wants to rage and cry at the unfairness of it, but she can't break; not now that Parvati needs her more than ever.

She goes back into the living room to relay the night's events to her boyfriend. He hold her close, like he used to during that dark year, until Parvati's screams echo through the flat.

* * *

Thanks to Bex for beta-ing this for me.

Monthly oneshot with the prompts: ParLav, family, and substance abuse.

Title exchange. I got Lizzy's title "I just can't see the light"

Yearly Prompts: 659: "What am I supposed to do?"

Book Club: Mary Terrafino - (word) care, (action) believing a lie, (word) sacrifice.

Count your buttons: "I do," repeats.

Restriction: no characters older than 20.

Bath Bomb: Lavender Musk - Write about Lavender Brown.

Stickers: Knight Bus - write a fic set at night and The Burrow - Write about a family.

Dragon challenge: word count 1909

Showtime: Requiem - (emotion) Grief

Fanfic Resolutions: write 50 stories, write a fic set in Trio era.

365: 144. (Genre) Family.

Molly Hooper: (object) Lipstick, (word) Sweet, (occupation) Healer.

Weekly tea: Indian Spice - Write about Parvati or Padma.


End file.
